Cake vs Pie: this could get messy.

I am very passionate about cake. It would be very easy for me to simply say, "Cake is better and pie sucks. The end, xoxo Gossip Melissa" and leave it at that. However, logic and dialectical disputes have taught me that you must consider each side of the argument. For this comparison, see below plz:

Cake: Pros:
-Creative License: you can get very creative with cake. Ultimate Cake off, Cake Boss, Cupcake Diva's and Ace of Cakes are all Tv shows. For some reason, this doesn't quite work the same way with pie. Creativity is important, and cake is very conducive to imagination. See here, plz. And here
- Tasty Options: Cheesecake, ice cream cake, petit fours, cupcakes, smores cake, orange creamsicle cake, nutella chocolate chip banana cake, cookie dough cupcakes, poptart flavoured cupcakes and countless other choices are available for cake. There is also the option of including mousse in the filling, creating a mixture of cheesecake and cake, including chocolate and fruit, becoming adventurous with mediums (I saw a cake made of meatloaf), and making a cake with different flavours in each area (think half-creamsicle with raspberry bottom? Ooh la la)
-Emotional Significance: Who the hell has a wedding pie? How do you celebrate Baby's First Birthday with a piece of cherry pie? Can you resign from your job with a cake? A man named Neil did that. For some reason, stating that you're going to blow out the candles on your birthday pie does not quite carry the same connotations as saying I'm going to go have birthday cake. This could change, but it has become assumed knowledge that Cake is the way to go for celebrations.

Cons: Storebought cake can taste stale, and if a cake is not made right it pales in comparison to other desserts. I always say that if you hate cake, you've never had a real cake. To be honest, I don't always say that. I just made it up. But it's true.

Pie: Pros:
-Pie has lots of fruit. Fruit is nice.
-Pie crust is Delishdkfusd

Cons:
-Crust is the best part of pie.
-Cooked fruit is slippery and gross. Fruit should be eaten in natural form, not cooked into a mush for a toothless wonder.


There. Problem Solved. However, if you're feeling in the mood for a compromise, you should look into making a delicious treat that involves cookies, cakes, and pies.

Music that Moves Me

This essay is also a tricky one for me to write. Showtunes are generally my go-to tune, but there are two different albums that have completely changed the way I look at my life. Hurr wee goh:

-Hospital Music by Matthew Good: Matthew Good was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after overdosing on pain killers in his shower and being admitted to hospital. During his time in the hospital, he wrote this hauntingly beautiful album. The songs are written in such a way that you really feel what he was going through. His lyrics are beautiful, and the songs stay with you for a long time after you listen to them. See here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3yISjGHGQo to get an inkling. Not only is he Canadian (ten points for you, glen coco), his music can actually speak to you. Is this not what music is for? Especially since I have some morbid obsession with psychiatric hospitals (see my Useless Knowledge essay), this entire album just amazes me, regardless of how many times I listen to it. His website used to have an entire illustrated history of his struggle with bipolar disorder and included the backstories of a few of his songs, but it got deleted when he released his new album. While I wish I could include this to give you a little more information about how complex this album really is, I can't. So just trust me, k?

-Jackson Square by Arkells: they are from Hamilton. I've lived in Hamilton my entire life and love this city more than I can admit. Arkells went to Mac and lived on Arkell street (woo, famous!). While (correct me if I'm wrong, it's been a while since I did my research) none of the members of the band are originally from Hamilton, they found the beauty in the smog and dust that I've been trying to explain to people for the past few years. They wrote an entire album dedicated to/inspired by the city of Hamilton, and I am so happy. "Abigail" is based on an overheard conversation in the Jackson Square food court and "Oh, The Boss is Coming!" is based on working at East Side Mario's in University Plaza, for example.  While most of this album deals with relationships and life at university (Mac wooo!), it still gives you a perfect taste of being a teenager/"young adult"/almost-grown-up and how this is affected by life in Hamilton. I also listened to this album during one of my favourite summers, and the songs all have happy memories associated with them for me. Furthermore, my extremely drunk boyfriend decided that "I'm not the sun" was our song one night. All in all, one of my favourite albums.

Lights, Camera, Action! One Movie Everyone Should Watch

Big Fish, Big Fish, Big Fish. I was obsessed with this movie for an extended period of time. For some reason, the tale of a man and his tall-tale telling father makes me so happy and hopeful and inspired.
Here is a synopsis: Man goes to see his Papa. Papa is dying and has spent his whole life telling lots of extremely unbelievable stories. Papa dies. All stories turn out to be a little bit true.

For some reason, this movie gives me an appreciation for the extreme storytelling and fables of past generations. Seeing them acted out by Ewan MacGregor (I don't know if you spell his name like that, but I do know that our love will blossom and grow over the years to come, and we will date happily before Daniel Craig takes notice of me and I have to make a life-wrenching decision and end up marrying my arranged husband because my dowry finally comes through) in such beautiful special effects really makes you feel like you're there. You almost wish that your life could be as big as the life of the characters in this movie. Honestly, I have nothing but good things to say about this movie. You need to watch it for yourself.

One Book Everyone Should Read

Sweet baby Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt, this essay is going to be tricky business. Not only am I very indecisive, I am certain that I've read four times my weight in books (in case you're wondering, that's a LOT). So, instead of writing a nice essay about one book you should read, I'll write about several different categories from which everyone should read at least one book.

-A book so painful to read that it takes you several years, a bottle of tylenol, a mental break and a few tears to finish it: I'm a firm believer in finishing what you start when it involves books. Usually the painful books teach the best lessons. Examples: it took me three years and four attempts to finish Wuthering Heights (sheer boredom and despising Catherine and Heathcliff did not make this easier); Blindness by Jose Saramago (I hated the book so much that I have no idea if that is how you spell the author's last name) took me over a year to read because I found it extremely dull; and I had a book from the library for so long because I couldn't finish/start it that I had to pay 30 dollars in overdue fees (that's two years of fees, FYI). My grandma said that, in boarding school, her teachers insisted that even awful books should be finished. She said that her teachers told her that reading painful books make you appreciate good books even more, and that this process teaches you willpower and diligence. My eleven-year-old self did not approve of this as she returned several unfinished library books. However, forcing myself to read painful/difficult books has taught me a lot. I realized that translations can be awful if said translation is not done properly, sometimes the most difficult books are the best (Wuthering Heights is one of my favourite books), and that sometimes the overdue fees are worth it (finishing the two-year-overdue book really made me appreciate the importance of due dates and keeping your bank account stocked with some contingency money). 

- An historical fiction : I hate historical fiction. There, I said it. I hate hate hate it. However, in grade ten I had to read one for a project, and I managed to find one that I liked enough to endure (The Book Thief, by Markus Zusak, is meant for thirteen year olds but I still recommend it to everyone because it is just that great. He has quite a nice style. Back to the topic now.). Although I generally don't enjoy this genre, there is nothing quite like feeling emerged in the time period and actually "experiencing" what life was like for the characters (and would have been for you). Because of historical fiction, I learned that I would never like to be a geisha or someone in Nazi Germany. I feel like that, along with learning about what other time periods could have been like, is a valuable lesson. 

-Books from those lists of books you "should" read: these lists, found in great quantities online, in magazines, and through StumbleUpon, usually feature books that you may not feel like reading. They are generally full of classics, modern classics, banned books, and books you were forced to read for school. You may groan when you see these lists (I used to; I was too cool for school and didn't like some librarian telling me what to do) and may not want to read these piles of books because someone says you should. However, I generally find that there are good reasons that you "should" read these books. They're usually considered classics for a reason, and aside from Blindness (see above), I have yet to be disappointed by a librarian's recommendation. Speaking of recommendations, see below. 


-Your best friend's/mom's/dad's/brother's/sister's/uncle's/hairdresser's/librarian's/teacher's/meat vendor's/Cutco© salesperson's favourite book: while the book that said person recommends may not be something you necessarily jump at the chance to read, I find that recommendations generally give you a most excellent opportunity to get a great insight into the person's inner workings. I think books contribute many opinions, thoughts and morals to a person's mind, and reading a book that they love or that has changed their life in a major way shows you a side of them they may not feel comfortable showing. I do my most thinking while I'm reading and in the shower. Because you can't share a shower with someone (...?), I find that sharing books is the best way to learn a little bit more about your favourite person. 

-Your favourite Childhood book: This may technically be a book that you'll be re-reading, but I still included it in the list (mad rebellion up in hurr). Reading a book you used to love will remind you of so many old memories you had, what you used to love and things you used to find challenging to understand, find funny, etc. Because my fingers and brain cells are getting bored, I'll let you figure out why you should do this (retrospection, recollection, reminding, and other things that start with r. Rainbows?)


Because I've blabbered on for long enough, if you want to know more about me you can read this list of books below. A few of these may or may not be from my childhood (that, or I'm embarrassed to admit that I just read them a few days ago).
-The Book Thief by Markus Zusak
-The Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath)
-Wuthering Heights 
-1984
-Slaughterhouse Five
-A Clockwork Orange
-One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
-Eve's Apple
-Perks of being a Wallflower
-Away (Jane Urquhart)
-The Underpainter (Jane Urquhart)
-Memoirs of a Geisha
-Lake of Dead Languages (Don't remember who wrote this one)
-Girl, Interrupted
-Monkey Taming
-It's Kind of a Funny Story
-Water for Elephants
-Lord of the Flies
-Dubliners


Plz note plz: there are mucho more books I have read and loved. I don't remember them right now. Bye now, kthx.

Useless Knowledge

Knowledge is never useless. Some people may think it is, but the know-er always knows a way in which to use their knowledge. No use knowledge a know-er has is still good to know, y'know? Sorry. I'm done. I think I just gave myself dyslexia a little bit there. I've had a fever lately, so please pardon my incoherence.

Alec Thomson, if you read this, I find the title of this topic insulting to people who only know useless things. Discrimination!

Things that I know that seem to be useless to others:
-Entire plots and lyrics to a few musicals: I can tell you about the origin and development of their books and lyrics, who played what character and when, major changes that were made and can probably sing 9/10 songs from the musical for you. Musicals I can talk your ear off about include Spring Awakening, Cabaret, Wicked, Dream Girls, Book of Mormon, Chicago and Hairspray. I will likely recite the wikipedia page for you, word-for-word. Please do not get me started.
-Pokemon Red/Blue, Gold/Silver and Crystal: I can name you almost every pokemon, tell you what attack does the most damage, and name what can be found in each town. Do not ask me about yellow (I got frustrated and couldn't defeat Brock at the first gym so I just went back to playing Red with my level 64 Charizard [fun fact! I have a rat named Charmander. He doesn't like me very much and poos a lot. He does enjoy eating cheetos, though]) or any of the newer versions (I found the DS quite frustrating and too heavy. I didn't really like the touch screen... Pokemon made up my childhood and I can still remember where you can find each pokemon and who would win in a battle.
-Mental Problems: I find psychology fascinating, especially abnormal psychology. I have probably read ten memoirs about people spending time in mental hospitals. I can tell you the symptoms of almost any mental illness. I can talk about eating disorders, causes and treatment for hours. I can tell you how to detect suicidal behaviour and how to talk to someone who is suffering from anxiety, depression, etc. People may find this morbid but I find problems in peoples' minds fascinating. This may be due to the fact that my family is great to study (I have odd relatives).
-Canada's Food Guide
-Piercings: if you have a question about getting a piercing somewhere, where to go, how to clean it, how big your earring needs to be, or what the names for piercings in awkward places are called (helix, tragus, anti-helix, conch...), talk to me. 

Well, that probably bored you! If it didn't, I don't have a summer job and have nothing to do, so I have a LOT of time to answer any questions you may have!

P.S. I also know quite a bit about cake decorating, baking, movies, fiction books, and the Hamilton Public Library system. I also know a lot about grantmaking in non-profit organizations.

P.P.S. I also know what PS means.

P.P.P.S. Bye.

one thing I understand

???

My goal for this essay was to write about something I understand completely. I was hoping that this would relieve some of the stupidity I felt after last week. However, all it has made me realize is that I don't truly understand anything enough to deserve the title of Chief Understander.

For this reason, my essay will be left at this. Sorry, dedicated fans and readers (yeah, okay...).

One thing I wish I was smart enough to understand...

I do understand a fair number of things. I know how to tie my shoes, ride a bike, read a book, bake tasty treats and I know how to (most of the time) be nice to people. This being said, there is a lot that I don't know. This list includes:

• Quantum physics
• how vocal chords make people sing
• how my boyfriend can remember every different type of car on the road and identify them by sight
• what language pets think in (if they think)
• why people use shingles on their roofs
•  how language and writing were invented
• why people kiss (seriously, what is so goddamn romantic about smushing your lips against someone else's or licking their tongue? I just don't get it.)
• how people decided what to eat. From this follows wanting to know why we know to eat (Who thought, let's put this random substance in our mouth and chew?)
• what language deaf people think in/how they think
• why people think babies and little animals are cute
• what blind kids do in school when they're being taught the colours

 However, there is one thing that I really wish I could understand. Aside from all the questions that seem to pop into my head at the most inopportune time (e.g. "I wonder how moles grow on people's faces," "who invented icing?", "why did Bob Marley have dreadlocks? Who invented those, anyway?", "Why do people drink rotten grapes? Who decided that was a good idea?", and, the most pressing as of recently, "Why did they discontinue coloured ketchup?") the one that has bothered me for the longest time is a little more serious than the others. What's really been bothering me, and I wish I could understand, is how creativity started.

This may sound like a dumb question. But, if you think about it, it makes sense. People say that creativity is when you take what you've seen before and change them just a slight bit to make this idea into something new. But if Person Y takes components of Person X's creation, then Person Z does the same from Person Y's creation and this continues, where did Person X get his ideas from? He didn't have a person to get inspiration from.

Since the changing of ideas is really all that can be hypothesized about creativity, how exactly can one suppose that the creative process started?

You can applaud a person for their delicious cake, but who decided to put things into a hot place and see what tasty treats resulted? How does this happen?

It probably all happened in The Beginning. But I seriously doubt that God/Flying Spaghetti Monster/Allah/Other Religious Figure put people on earth and handed them an instruction manual. Is the desire to create innate in our minds? Are we inspired by what we see? How do people make the jump between seeing something in nature, like a leaf floating, to creating something extraordinary, like a flying machine (also known as an airplane)?

Sometimes, when I sit down to write (i.e. right now), I get struck by the urge to create something that nobody has ever done before. I want to make people scream WOW THAT GIRL IS SO TALENTED or HOLY MOLY MACARONI BATMAN! I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE! but don't know how. This is when I wonder how people create. I know how people create, so then I think about big inventions, then I think about olden times, and, before I know it, I'm thinking about Person X and his talented mind.

Maybe if I were smart enough to understand how Person X created creativity, I wouldn't be sitting here writing my essay almost a week ahead of time.

If I still can't figure it out, I'll start the next essay so I don't feel so stupid and I can talk about something I actually know about.