I’m not exactly sure if neatness is considered a virtue. But I generally consider virtues to be behaviours that are far beyond my abilities, such as mind-reading, waking up early, not swearing, etc. For this reason, neatness is a virtue for me. However, for the sake of clarity it will be defined as follows:
-General anal-retentive tidiness
-fastidious, over-zealous scheduling (i.e. my aunt who plans Christmas dinner one year ahead of time)
-Having a straight piece of wood inserted into one’s rectum, i.e. being uptight.
Before I commence with the rest of this essay, please take note of the following statement: I do not hate tidy people. But sometimes I want to shred your agenda and rub a dirty sock on your computer. I want to break a pen in your backpack, ruin your diet and slip you some hard drugs. I would never do any of these things on purpose (I make no promises about the socks, though) and generally have nothing at all against people who are neat. In many, many ways I probably just hate overly neat behaviours because, for whatever reason, I have an immense amount of difficulty getting my shit together. I can’t focus, read too many books instead of doing my homework, lose one sock out of every pair, forget to eat/eat way too much, etc. I am so jealous of the fact that you can actually wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed and get to 9:30 class on time. On many days, I cannot manage this for 4:30 class. One day I woke up at 4 (not from a nap, either) and went to calc in my pyjamas. I really respect you, people who have their shit together, ten points and bear hugs all around.
However, when I really start hatin’ on neat people is when I can tell they’re not having any fun and hate their rigid lifestyle. If you love having your entire life scheduled, adore your sunrise jogs and can’t fathom life without your no-carb vegan diet, go for it. You can tell when someone is actually happy with their routine: they have a tidy, neat glow about them. There is something off with people who don’t enjoy what they’re doing, though. It seems like they only have fun when their life is under control. People who are organized and happy know how to let loose and don’t let their routine control their life: a routine is not something they have to do, they just like to do it. They don’t pull their hair out over missing six minutes at the gym or missing one calc lecture (believe me: you can miss most of them and still pass). If you end up institutionalized over a lost eraser, though, I’m tempted to slip you a lot of hard liquor and let the real problems bubble uninhibited to the surface. When your life becomes one giant compulsion, then you know something’s up and you’re going to crack eventually. I guess the reason people who schedule every bathroom break bother me is because I wish you could just face whatever is bothering you. People with compulsive behaviours are usually just bothered by something else that’s beneath the surface and their control their lifestyle to control these factors they cannot control. Correct me if I’m wrong, but 14 year old me who did 7 hours of homework every night and went to bed every night at exactly nine thirty because of parental pressures doesn’t think people without something bothering them do this on a normal basis. Normal people also don’t write convoluted sentences such as the one preceding this.
I guess, any over-organizer who may be reading this (though I’m not sure there are any in this essay challenge [i.e. artsci and Alec’s friend {hey!}]), I want you to know that skipping the gym to go for ice cream can be a jolly old time. If you break your schedule once you won’t die, the world won’t explode, you won’t fail your classes or gain 4000 pounds. Coming from a messy room, a girl who forgets to eat, wake up, and sometimes to shower, everything will be ok. Maybe a little messier, but there’s nothing wrong with that if it means you’re happy.
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